Post by Jimmy_For_FreedomDear IRS and CRA
Enclosed is my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.
Please note the attached article from USA Today, wherein you will see
the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00
for a toilet seat. I am enclosing four toilet seats (value $2400) and
six hammers (value $1029), bringing my total remitted to $3429.00.
Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election
Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending
them one 1.5" Phillips Head screw (article from USA Today detailing
how HUD pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws is enclosed for
your convenience.) It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this
year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer
I just found a couple of additional "letters" that everyone might enjoy:
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The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC
July 23, 2002
Dear Concerned Citizen:
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the
Taliban and El Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
My administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard
loud and clear here in Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens
like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining
Program to be called "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"
program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided
to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee
has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed
guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can
just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you
personally
demanded in your letter of admonishment.
It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.
We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care
for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your
letter.
Ahmed's meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest serving meals
that do not require utensils, particularly knives and forks. Also, these
should be "finger foods"; Ahmed will not eat with his left hand since he
uses it to wipe himself after purging his bowels (which he will do in
your yard)- but look on the bright side... no increase in the toilet paper
bill!
He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that
it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with
your water bill. Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice
that
hasn't been completely remedied.
Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee.
Although Ahmed is sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
sensitivity and kindness will help him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps
you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.
He
will bite you, given the chance, but his rabies test came back negative so
not
to worry. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home
schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills
at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to
keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except
sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. However,
he will be eager to assist with the education of your sons-have several
copies of the Q'uran available for their use.
Oh - and rest assured that he absolutely loves animals especially cats and
dogs. He prefers them roasted, but raw is fine, too, if they aren't more
than 2 or 3 days dead.
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you,
who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. We
think this watching over each other's shoulder is such a good way for people
to interact that we will be sending a team of federal officials with
expertise in your line of work to your place of business soon, just to help
you
do your job better.
Don't be concerned that they have the power to close your business,
seize your property, and arrest you for any violation of the 4,850,206
federal laws, codes, regulations and rules that apply to your profession.
They're really there just to make sure you're doing everything the proper
way.
That is what you wanted, right?
Well, thank you for this opportunity to interact with such a valued
member of the citizenry.
You take good care of Ahmed - and remember... we'll be watching.
Cordially,
George W. Bush
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Letter From A Concerned Senior Citizen
To Whom It May Concern, I am a senior citizen. During the Clinton
Administration I had an extremely good and well paying job. I took numerous
vacations and had several vacation homes.
Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for
the worse: I lost my job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War.
I lost my home.
I lost my health insurance.
As a matter of fact, I lost virtually everything and became homeless. Adding
insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like an animal,
instead of helping me, they arrested me.
I will do anything to insure President Bush's defeat in the next election.
I will do anything that Senator Kerry wants to insure that a Democrat is
back in the White House come next year. Bush has to go.
I just thought you and your listeners would like to know how one senior
citizen views the Bush Administration.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.
Sincerely, Sadaam Hussein
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Enjoy!
--
Rhino